Should I cut back work to care for Mom? What it costs my Social Security and retirement

Written and reviewed by Dr. Pat Pachciarz® · Updated October 10, 2026 · Educational, not individual legal, tax or investment advice. Illinois law as of October 2026.

The short answer

Cutting back can cost you more than your paycheck, so run the numbers before you decide. Social Security bases your benefit on an average of up to 35 years of your highest indexed earnings (SSA). If you have fewer than 35 years of earnings, or if caregiving years replace stronger ones, that average falls, and so does your benefit. You also lose what you'd have saved in your workplace plan, and any employer match. Before you quit, look at the Family and Medical Leave Act. If you're eligible, it gives up to 12 workweeks of job-protected leave in a 12-month period to care for a parent with a serious health condition, and that leave can be taken in blocks or as a reduced schedule when medically necessary (U.S. Department of Labor). FMLA leave is unpaid, but your employer must keep your group health coverage going. Often the best answer is a middle path: a reduced schedule, paid help for some hours, and a plan for Mom's money to pay for part of her care.

Why does this matter?

• Your own retirement pays the bill. Lost wages, lost savings and a lower Social Security benefit last long after caregiving ends.
• Zero years count. Social Security divides your total by a set number of computation years, 35 for most retirees, chosen from your highest-earning years. If you don't have that many earning years, the missing ones count as zeros (SSA Handbook §703).
• Health coverage is at stake. Quitting can end your employer coverage. FMLA leave keeps it on the same terms (U.S. Department of Labor).
• Some choices are hard to undo. A job you leave at 55 is hard to get back at 60.

How do I figure out what's right for us?

1. Count your earning years. Your Social Security statement shows your earnings history. How many strong years do you already have toward 35?
2. Check FMLA eligibility. At least 12 months with your employer, 1,250 hours in the past 12 months, and 50 employees within 75 miles (U.S. Department of Labor).
3. Price the alternatives. Compare quitting, a reduced schedule, and paid help for some hours each week.
4. Ask whether Mom's money can pay for care. Her income, savings or trust may pay for outside help, or pay you under a written agreement.
5. Protect your own plan. Know what happens to your workplace retirement account and health coverage before your last day.

Who needs to be in the room?

Your employer's HR team, Mom's trustee or agent, your siblings and your own advisor each hold a piece of this decision. Usually nobody adds them up.

• HR or benefits office: explains FMLA, paid leave and what happens to your benefits.
• Siblings: agree on who covers which hours and costs.
• Mom's trustee or agent: confirms what her money can pay for.
• Financial coordinator: runs your retirement numbers both ways.

How does DAITT® help with this?

1. Advanced Planning

   Run your retirement and Social Security numbers with and without the cutback, side by side.

2. Debt Optimization

   Plan cash flow for a lower income, so caregiving doesn't land on credit cards.

3. Trust Planning

   See whether Mom's trust can pay for outside help or a written caregiver agreement.

Related: Social Security for women, when the trustee won't pay the family caregiver, and what happens to your 401(k) when you leave work to care for a parent.

What does this look like with real numbers?

An illustration, not a client story. Say a 55-year-old has 30 years of earnings that average $60,000 in today's dollars, and plans to work 5 more years at $60,000. That's 35 years averaging $60,000. If she stops working now instead, those 5 years count as zeros, and her 35-year average drops to about $51,400, roughly 14% lower. Her benefit falls by less than that, because Social Security's formula replaces a bigger share of lower average earnings (SSA). She also gives up 5 years of retirement savings: at 6% of pay plus a 3% match, that's about $27,000 before any growth. Paying for 20 hours a week of outside help may cost less than that over the long run. Her own numbers will differ; that's why they need running.

What should I do this week?

1. Download your Social Security statement and count your years of earnings.
2. Ask HR whether you're eligible for FMLA and what paid leave you have.
3. Price a few hours a week of outside help.
4. Ask Mom's trustee or agent what her money can pay for.
5. Run your retirement numbers both ways before you give notice.

Book a Clarity Call or see your Leak Score

Related questions

Does quitting work to care for a parent lower my Social Security?

It can. Social Security averages up to 35 years of your indexed earnings, and years with low or no earnings can pull that average down (SSA). Whether it does depends on how many strong earning years you already have.

Can I take unpaid leave to care for my mom?

Possibly, under the Family and Medical Leave Act. Eligible employees of covered employers can take up to 12 workweeks of job-protected leave in a 12-month period to care for a parent with a serious health condition (U.S. Department of Labor).

Can FMLA leave be taken a few hours at a time?

Yes, when medically necessary. FMLA leave can be taken all at once, in separate blocks, or as a reduced schedule. FMLA leave is unpaid, but you may be able to use paid leave at the same time (U.S. Department of Labor).

Sources

• SSA: Social Security benefit amounts (how benefits are figured)
• SSA Handbook §703: Computation years
• U.S. Department of Labor: Fact Sheet #28, The Family and Medical Leave Act

Who is Dr. Pat Pachciarz®?

Dr. Pat Pachciarz® is the Founder & CEO of The Pinnacle Group in Aurora, Illinois, and creator of the DAITT® Advisory Method. He is highly focused on the human connection in financial planning: how behavior and emotion shape money decisions. That focus is grounded in the Accredited Behavioral Finance Professional (ABFP®) designation he is pursuing. He is currently earning his Doctorate in Organizational Leadership at the University of St. Francis while simultaneously earning his Master's in Personal Financial Planning at the College for Financial Planning. A Certified Exit Planning Advisor (CEPA®), he coordinates each client's banker, CPA, attorneys and advisors into one clear plan.

More answers

• Can my sister sell Mom's house in the trust without telling us?
• Do I owe taxes if I pay my daughter to care for me (or Mom)?
• Who coordinates my parent's estate attorney, CPA and advisor when I'm the caregiver?
• Does Medicare pay for Mom's long-term care at home or in a nursing home?
• The trustee won't pay me for caring for Mom. What can I do in Illinois?
• Do I have a right to see how Mom's trust money is being spent?
• My sibling has power of attorney for Mom. Can I see her bank records?
• Caregiving for aging parents: money, taxes and protecting your own future
• Trust planning and family governance: the trust, the assets and bringing the kids in
• Inheritance taxes: do I owe money on what I got left?
• Social Security for women: retirement, spousal, survivor and divorced-spouse benefits
• Medicare at 65: when to sign up and how it fits your retirement plan
• Tax strategy and tax filing for women in transition

Also see drpat.co, running your trust in Illinois and Trust & Estate Planning at The Pinnacle Group®.