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Dr. Pat Pachciarz® Clarity · Caregiving for aging parents

The trustee won't pay me for caring for Mom. What can I do in Illinois?

You do the daily care. The trust your parents set up is supposed to help pay for it. And the trustee, sometimes your own sister, sometimes a bank, keeps saying no.

Home base: Aurora, Illinois · Serving clients in person in Aurora and virtually · 815-486-0722

Written and reviewed by Dr. Pat Pachciarz® · Updated October 9, 2026 · Educational, not individual legal, tax or investment advice. Illinois law as of October 2026.

The short answer

Whether Mom's trust can pay you depends first on the trust's exact words. In Illinois, a trustee has to run the trust in good faith, by its purposes and its terms (760 ILCS 3/801). If the trust says it's for Mom's care and lets the trustee pay for that care, paying a family caregiver can fit. Whether it does is a decision the trust's own language governs. While Mom is alive and her trust can still be changed, the trustee works for Mom, not for her children (760 ILCS 3/603). If she still has capacity, she can tell the trustee what to do. The calmest path is a written caregiver agreement, a clear record of hours, and one shared summary every sibling sees. Talk to an Illinois estate attorney before anyone is paid.

You're not the only one asking. One caregiving daughter on an online caregiving forum asked whether she could be paid for her caregiving out of the trust her parents set up for their care. Another, whose mom's trust is run by a bank, described being worn out from arguing with the bank about it.

Why does this matter so much?

  • Your own future pays for the gap. Unpaid care often means fewer work hours, less saved and lower future Social Security. That cost is real even when nobody writes it down.
  • Taxes follow the money. Caregiver pay is generally income to the caregiver, and household-employer tax rules can apply (IRS Publication 926).
  • Family trust breaks on unclear numbers. When siblings can't see what's being spent, the caregiver and the trustee become the two people nobody trusts.
  • Some steps are hard to undo. Money paid without a written agreement can look like a gift or a conflict later, especially after Mom passes.

How do I figure out where we stand?

  1. Read the exact words together. Find the sections on Mom's care, on paying family members and on the trustee's discretion. Ask the trustee which clause the "no" relies on.
  2. Ask who the trustee works for right now. Is the trust still revocable? Does Mom still have capacity? Those two answers decide whose voice counts most today (760 ILCS 3/603).
  3. Ask for the reason in writing. A trustee who says no should be able to say why. A bank trustee usually has a written process; ask for it.
  4. Write a caregiver proposal. List the tasks, the hours, a rate in line with what an agency would charge locally, and how you'll report time. Proposals get approved more easily than complaints.
  5. Run the numbers both ways. Compare paying you with paying an outside agency, including taxes. The cheaper, better-documented option is easier for a trustee to approve.
  6. Know the last resort. If a trustee breaks a duty owed to a beneficiary, an Illinois court can order the trustee to act, to account, or even remove the trustee (760 ILCS 3/1001). That's an attorney's call, and rarely the first step.

Who needs to be in the room?

Most caregiving families don't have a professional shortage. They have a coordination problem. The estate attorney knows the trust, the CPA knows the taxes, the trustee or bank controls the checkbook, and Mom's care team knows what she needs. Nobody owns the whole picture.

  • Illinois estate attorney: reads the trust, drafts the caregiver agreement, and says what the trustee can and can't do.
  • CPA: sets up the tax side of caregiver pay and checks whether Mom's care costs count as medical expenses (IRS Publication 502).
  • Trustee (family member or bank): approves and records the payments.
  • Financial coordinator: keeps the budget, the care costs and every sibling's view of the numbers on one page.

Where it breaks: the attorney drafts, the trustee pays, the CPA hears about it in April, and the siblings hear about it last.

How does DAITT® help with this?

  1. Trust Planning

    Read the trust's care and payment language with your estate attorney, and put any caregiver arrangement in writing.

  2. Advanced Planning

    Project Mom's care costs against the trust's assets, so everyone knows how long the money lasts.

  3. Tax Strategy and Tax Filing

    Set up the caregiver pay correctly with your CPA, so nobody gets a surprise at tax time.

The full method also covers Debt Optimization and Private Wealth Investments. Learn more about Trust & Estate Planning at The Pinnacle Group®.

What does this look like with real numbers?

An illustration, not a client story. Say a daughter gives Mom 20 hours of care a week, and the family agrees on $20 an hour. That's $400 a week, or $20,800 a year. Because that's more than $3,000 in cash wages in 2026, IRS household-employer rules can apply: Social Security and Medicare taxes of 7.65% from the worker and 7.65% from the employer, about $1,591 each on $20,800 (IRS Publication 926). The daughter also reports the pay as income. With a written agreement, a weekly time log and one monthly summary to every sibling, a trustee has something clear to approve, and the family has one set of numbers.

What should I do this week?

  1. Ask for a copy of the trust if you're entitled to one, or ask Mom's permission to read it with her.
  2. Write down what you do for Mom, with hours and dates, for the last month.
  3. Ask the trustee for the reason for the "no" in writing.
  4. Propose a family meeting with one shared summary of Mom's care costs.
  5. Talk to an Illinois estate attorney before anyone is paid from the trust.

If you'd like help putting the numbers and the people on one page, we can start with a no-pressure conversation.

Book a Clarity Call or see your Leak Score

Related questions

Can a trust pay a family member for caregiving in Illinois?

It can if the trust's terms allow it. An Illinois trustee must run the trust in good faith and by its purposes and terms (760 ILCS 3/801). If the trust lets the trustee pay for Mom's care, paying a family caregiver can fit. A written caregiver agreement and records make that easier to approve.

Who does the trustee work for while Mom is alive?

While Mom's trust is revocable and she has capacity, the trustee's duties are owed only to her, and she can direct the trustee (760 ILCS 3/603). If she no longer has capacity, the duties are owed to her and the current beneficiaries, and her interests come first.

Is caregiver pay from the trust taxable?

Generally, yes. Pay for care is income to the caregiver. If a household pays one worker $3,000 or more in cash wages in 2026, IRS household-employer rules can require Social Security and Medicare taxes and a Form W-2 (IRS Publication 926). A CPA should confirm who counts as the employer.

Sources

Who is Dr. Pat Pachciarz®?

Dr. Pat Pachciarz® is the Founder & CEO of The Pinnacle Group in Aurora, Illinois, and creator of the DAITT® Advisory Method. He is highly focused on the human connection in financial planning: how behavior and emotion shape money decisions. That focus is grounded in the Accredited Behavioral Finance Professional (ABFP®) designation he is pursuing. He is currently earning his Doctorate in Organizational Leadership at the University of St. Francis while simultaneously earning his Master's in Personal Financial Planning at the College for Financial Planning. A Certified Exit Planning Advisor (CEPA®), he coordinates each client's banker, CPA, attorneys and advisors into one clear plan.

More answers

Also see drpat.co, running your trust in Illinois and Trust & Estate Planning at The Pinnacle Group®.

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